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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23626342">Comedian!Jaskier Au</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeadToTheCoast/pseuds/HeadToTheCoast'>HeadToTheCoast</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Geraskier Tumblr Posts [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, actor!geralt, comedian!jaskier, headcannon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:07:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,201</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23626342</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeadToTheCoast/pseuds/HeadToTheCoast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>uhh, another headcannon I had on tumblr?  Not really a fic.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Geraskier Tumblr Posts [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1700689</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Comedian!Jaskier Au</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>jaskier as a standup comedian. hear me out </p>
<p>i considered having geralt be an audience member who he gets to laugh, front row, yen made him go with her, doesn’t laugh at the whole set until jaskier picks yen for the audience part, says something and geralt just <em>looses it. </em>so of course jaskier seeks him out after the set by going to the bar and just plain hoping and they do go home together and it’s fantastic</p>
<p>but also consider, geralt is some professional something or other, maybe an actor who only does scary/professional roles and sometimes gets a bad rap because he doesn’t always get on well with other actors (he doesn’t agree with business practices of treating crew members poorly, offers to help crew set stuff up, helps out when animals are on set that kind of thing but also like, if his coworker or producer or director is sexist he will e n d y o u so some actors don’t like him because he protects women cast mates and just generally isn’t a prick) and also doesn’t interview well. he’s gruff and doesn’t actually like the limelight but his agent (and exwife) yen talked him into it and it’s a good paycheck for their daughter and sometimes he does like the movies he works on (after all, he did some work with these guys eskel lambert and vesemir and they ended up being like brothers and a father who taught him stuff about the business) anyway i digress. geralt is a stonefaced actor who is always cast as an assassin or something or a hunter or a <em>butcher</em> and he doesn’t always appreciate that</p>
<p>so jaskier is a comedian and geralt doesn’t care if jaskier tells jokes about him (and yes some of his comedy is musical/he writes songs on the side) but similar to john mulaney, none of jaskiers jokes about geralt are mean. like, none of them are even a little bit like toeing the line. geralt makes a point not to watch jaskiers comedy because he really doesn’t want to know what his boyfriend/fiancé says about him onstage even if it’s an act so geralt doesn’t realize that audience think he is the sweetest and kindest person ever while jaskier is just a <b>f e r a l c h a o t i c d u m b a s s</b> and geralt must be a saint for putting up with him. and sometimes jaskier cries on stage while talking about geralt adopting roach after a shoot and how sweet he is but like the point of the story was that he accidentally set the barn on fire so audiences are astounded that the man is even alive by the end of the shows.</p>
<p>but so geralt is doing press for a movie and it’s no secret that he and jaskier are dating, tho it might not be public knowledge they’re engaged and a late night host brings up jaskiers stand-up and geralt says something about how he too would make fun of himself on stage, idk something self deprecating about what he thinks jaskier would complain about (stoic, scary looking, disruptive in bars sticking up for people, easily recognized everywhere because of the hair, temper) and the host shows him a clip of jaskiers recent tour where he’s standing on stage saying stuff like “yes i’m aware they cast him as a murderer” or something “but once you see him braid ciri (also actress but out of the business because of legal battle with producer who tried something when she was a child actress and has a restraining order against not geralt but yen)‘s hair while humming the golden girls intro you just don’t see it anymore. like it’s impossible for him to scare me because i know his secret, he eats cereal out of the box just like the rest of us and sometimes he lets me have the toy except for the one time i-“ and sure geralt has maybe noticed some people like hosts and coworkers being nicer to him and fans approached him a little more now but he hadn’t realized jaskier didn’t make him the butt of the joke. so he says as much, gruffly but endearing to the audience that he only saw stuff from before they were together because he wouldn’t begrudge him needing an audience to vent to, or something. and so the interviewer keeps asking him about jaskier and geralt just goes all soft on tv.</p>
<p>and of course jaskier watches all of his interviews and when he sees that one he tears up because he didn’t realize geralt thought he made fun of him on stage. he heard his voice sometimes on the tv or geralts phone but he hadn’t put together it was only his older comedy and jaskier breaks a little when he talks to geralt about it. jaskier asks why he would agree to a partner who he thought made fun of him in front of thousands of people and geralt says he never did it to his face, or seemed unhappy so what’s the problem?</p>
<p>and to fix that jaskier writes a new set that is <b><em>scathing</em></b> about hollywood. he makes jokes about actors and actresses who were mean to geralt or producers and directors who asked him to do things he didn’t want to or take advantage of actresses. netflix approaches him to film the special and he writes an intro song about geralt that leads into it and jaskier rants about men in bars that geralt stand up to even if the women he helps don’t appreciate it because they’re drunk and scared of him. or when they get called f*gs in target grocery shopping and other awful things and jaskier is just feral and angry on stage and it’s absolutely <b><em>ruthless</em></b> comedy. he kills it.</p>
<p>so when it comes time to do press for the show, he fires his agent and gets geralt to do press with him. and almost immediately people like geralt. seeing someone so bestotted and amused where he had only ever been cast as cold and angry gave him an overnight following. jaskier made him approachable, or at least showed others he had always been safe to approach. and so with chaotic feral jaskier snapping witty remarks back and forth with talk show hosts geralt would sit with a slight smile, a bark of laughter and occasionally a sardonic or sarcastic line that would earn him a <em>blinding</em> smile from jaskier and audiences went wild for it. and geralt just sits there and appreciates this man who singlehandedly turned his career around and went after hollywood for him.</p>
<p>so maybe geralt gets cast in kinder roles and maybe jaskier posts little things on his instagram of geralt crying while watching the movie spirit or drunkenly telling roach he loves her. and when they get engaged or people accidentally find out they’re engaged jaskier couldn’t be happier because the whole damn world knows geralt is <em>his</em> and it doesn’t matter if he tanks a comedy career because he would burn hollywood to <em>ash</em> for this man. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If anyone ever wants to actually write a fic based on one of these godforsaken headcannons please do.  I've very bad at social interaction so uh, probably won't really respond except with like, praise at your talents.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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